Later this same evening, I made the decision to test for pregnancy. To make a long story short, Dan and I married in February 2012 and started trying immediately after. We ran into several "difficulties" during our journey to babydom, and ended up turning to fertility treatments (I don't mind talking about the trouble specifically, if asked). Fast forward back to November 14th - 8 months after trying to conceive and over dozens of negative pregnancy tests later. We had started our first round of clomid 50mg mid October (a pill that forces ovulation), and we were in the dreaded "two week wait" period. Screw that! I was sick of waiting and decided to test two days earlier than planned. I wanted this so bad I was CONVINCED I was not pregnant. I had no early pregnancy symptoms, and luck didn't seem to be on my side. I more or less wanted to get the test "over with" so we could move on to next steps in the process.
So, me and my red lipstick drove home from work. I was anxious, my heart was pounding. I swung the door open, kicked off my shoes, threw my coat over the the kitchen table and bee-lined to the bathroom. I told Dan, "I'm doing it now", as I passed him on the couch. I did my business and set the pregnancy test on the vanity. I tried to look away and pretend I didn't care, but my eyes were glued to it. I saw the first line come in and...wait...what? What is that? I looked away and started to tear. No way, I thought, that is not another line. I looked back. Two pink lines. I started sobbing like a toddler and ran out the bathroom door screaming "It's positive!" Dan picked me up and swung me around (seriously, like in the movies). We were elated. Those two pink lines were more beautiful than I ever imagined them to be.
The next couple weeks were rough. Like any women in her first trimester, I was terrified of miscarriage. I tried to stay positive the best I could and took it one day at a time. Like a compulsive freak, I took four more pregnancy tests within the following week to make sure it was real. I felt like I was either dreaming it or the baby would just disappear into my stomach. Each day that passed I was blessed to still be carrying. I counted down the days til my 6.5 week ultra sound. I knew this was pivotal, as we'd be able to hear a heartbeat if the pregnancy was healthy.
Two years passed...just kidding, two weeks passed (it felt like years!) and the morning of our ultra sound had arrived. I can't say if I was more excited or nervous...probably an equal mix of both. Wait, who am I kidding, I was FREAKING OUT. So we get there. The tech squeezed the cold goo on my lower abdomen and started moving the wand. Everything looked like black and white blobs. The tech stopped and said, "there it is!". She pointed out the baby which looked like the dot of an i, the yolk sak, and the most amazing "flicker" which was our precious baby's heartbeat! THERE WAS A BABY IN MY STOMACH! It was strong too, 168 beats per minute. I almost started sobbing like a toddler again, but held it in minus a tear that creeped out and ran down my cheek. Man this pregnancy stuff makes you emo.
I felt one thing after leaving the doctors office that morning. Complete and utter RELIEF.
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